This time last year, I was a senior in high school, playing basketball and living a carefree life. I had a full ride scholarship for volleyball to college, and I was looking forward to graduation in a couple months so I could leave this small town behind and everyone in it. There was only one tiny problem with my dream at the time: I was pregnant. I was 3 months pregnant, hiding it from everyone but my boyfriend. When I first found out in January, I went into a denial and blocked out everything from my life. I broke up with my boyfriend, stopped talking to my friend, and hoped everyday that this wasn't real. But it didn't matter, I was having a baby whether I liked it or not. I hid my pregnancy the entire time. The only people that knew was my boyfriend and I, and my mother said she knew but she let me do everything on my own. The months past and soon graduation came. I was thankful that I got to wear my graduation gown so I could hid my stomach. I didn't look pregnant just fat. I graduated as valedictorian and was scared I would never leave this town. I had to give up my scholarship because I didn't think my coach would appreciate me popping a baby out on the court. Summer breezed by and still my stomach didn't grow to the standard pregnant belly, it was like my baby knew I had to hide and so he made sure I wasn't too big. The end of August came and it was time to leave for college. I left my boyfriend, who I ended up getting back with, and moved into my apartment. If my roommates knew, they didn't say anything about me being pregnant. So, I went to class and bided my time until my baby was born. Now what I was going to do once he was born was a mystery to me. September passed without a bleep, and then October came. On the second day, I gave birth to my son. I was alone in the hospital, pushing out this baby I didn't think I wanted to have. They told me I gave birth to a son and I cried because I had always wanted a boy first. The adoption agent came to talk to me that day and I had in my mind to convince my boyfriend that it was best to give our baby boy away. I knew that if we did he would be guaranteed a good life. But once I held him and saw him, my heart already made my decision. My boyfriend reasoned with me and showed me that we could do this. So I made the biggest decision of my life and kept my son, my love, my life.
Now, he's a little over 5 months old, sleeping right next to me. A healthy, beautiful, loving, funny baby boy who his grandmothers fondly call "Butterball" because of his stature. A boy that stole my heart and has no intention of giving it back. A boy who makes me value life, value love, and value my opportunity to give him a good life. A boy who amazes me every day of his little life. A boy who makes me never blink at the fact that I gave up almost everything for our little makeshift family. A boy who makes me proud to be a mother, even if I may be young.
My son.
<3
